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Busy Being Born

Published on May, 6 2010

It’s a bloody bitch trying to find your way out of the womb. First of all, its warm and comfortable in there and oh so difficult out in the cold light of reality. Why move forward? Why poke your head out when you are simply waiting to be greeted by the cruel cut and slap that life has prepped and waiting for you? You struggle, you put it off, but then you understand where your place is, and you enter a world that is as new as you.

Mamma has taken on so many different forms. Born and reborn. Each time I think I have a strong grasp, a clear purpose to move forward with, I struggle, I change, and inevitably it changes. So many variables can cause question to translate into shape. In filming this short, it seemed the concept for the feature was starting to take on a new identity. I thought everything had become so drastically different in tone and structure that what we were going to be moving forward with for the feature was something so completely different than what was realized at the inception of the project. It was different, but it felt pretty concrete. Everything seemed to make so much sense. And then it didn’t. And then it just all stood still. And then I got comfortable waiting for it to make sense.

Soon comfort became confusion and confusion became loss of time, energy and spirit. I was the dying in the hands of my maker. Then I found myself at a bar with my very supportive production partner, staring into a plate of chicken nachos and somehow, it all made sense again. Once preoccupied with diversions and distress, now I was filled with newfound clarity and focus on what we decided was the original and should be the current plan for the feature. Three stories, connecting storylines, one common theme of loss acting as a catalyst for self-discovery. 

What life offers in obstacles it also offers in possibility. The beauty of art, of existence is finding new life when you least expect it. After all, who expects enlightenment to come as a side order to their bad bar nachos?  With the new website, and a new, hopefully more mature voice to bring to the project, I feel as if I have made my way out of the womb and into the arms of my Mamma once again.